Bride Wars

When I first heard the title Bride Wars, my mind brought forth images of meringue-encased women fighting in steel cages over who got the first choice between taupe, eggshell, offwhite, or beige for the wedding invites.  Sadly, this was not the case.  It was instead a fairly standard romantic comedy, or so I thought.

While on the surface, it’s a standard love story plot with a minor twist, it is, in fact, an educational video showcasing the perils of wedding planning, and as such, is a must watch for any guy who has any inclination of getting married and settling down at some point in his life.

The instructional nature of the movie takes men through all the stages that a bride experiences during the planning stages of a wedding, from the initial, slightly touched phase, where everything is rainbows and puppies and white doves, all the way through to batshit insane, when the best thing you can do is agree.  Unless of course you are supposed to have an opinion about something which is a polite way of them finding out which of the two options being presented should be thrown out.

Now, what I found most interesting about this edutainment, was not the content itself, but rather the response of the average guy when watching.  This all depends on where they are.  The ones who are dating or single think it is a most amusing over-exaggerated piece of mockery about the excesses of the wedding industry and the fears they play upon.  Those who have found themselves with fiancée, spend the first half of the movie going “done that, been there, hmmm.” And the second half thinking “shiii-iiit, what the hell have I gotten myself into.”  Those who survived the pre-wedding madness look at it and go “they almost got it right, but perhaps they had to tone down the crazy a little bit to make it more believable to the non-wedded.”

The film is entertaining, and with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson as the leads, at least there is eye-candy, especially during the bachelorette party, and if you’re going to have to sit through this to earn brownie points it is nice to know there will be some reward.

As this is a chick flick and not a dodgy movie, there isn’t a dodgy rating.  Instead, what we have is a brownie point system – as in, how many brownie points watching this with your significant other will earn you.  For Bride Wars, this is a little tricky to score.  If, when the inevitable “I wasn’t like that, was I?” question is asked, you are able to remove any trace of sarcasm from your answer, this one probably rates equivalent to flowers.  If you can’t, you may as well follow your answer up with “and when I said those pants didn’t make you look fat, I lied.”  After all, if you’re going to be sleeping in your car, at least make it for something worthwhile.

Bride Wars is, fortunately, relatively rewatchable, scoring a 3 mutant smileys out of five.  I say fortunately, as it’s worth watching a number of times to remind yourself why you’re going to make sure not to screw up because you’re never voluntarily putting yourself through that madness ever again.

This educational product should be mandatory viewing with every engagement ring sold.  And Honey, if you’re reading this, you were nothing like the brides in Bride Wars.  I enjoyed every minute of wedding planning and I’d happily go through it again with you. (I’m so glad tone of voice isn’t conveyed by text).

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