Archive for the ‘5 Stay Puft Marshmallow Men’ Category

Evolution starts out with a lot of promise. Directed by Ivan Reitman and starring David Duchovny, dodginess is assured. Throw in a plot containing aliens, Dan Akroyd and Sean William Scott and you’ve got a winner.

The film opens with Sean William Scott saving a blow-up-doll from a burning building and just goes downhill from there. The burning building gets destroyed by an incoming meteor which conveniently happens to contain the alien organisms. With this, the thrill ride begins, taking in interesting sights along the way, including a giant alien bird hunt in a mall and the administering of an anti-dandruff shampoo enema to the giant alien.

The movie has a plot, which is nice and straightforward. This is good as it doesn’t get in the way. Basically, aliens land, they evolve, the military steps in, stuffs it up, and it’s up to the psuedo-scientific heroes to save the day, with a brilliant deduction about Arsenic and Selenium and carbon and silica based lifeforms that would make any movie scientist proud.

Essentially, the plot exists to move the film from one dodgy moment to the next, not that this is a bad thing. However, it does get a little tricky to pick out a favourite.  I have managed to narrow it down to 2 key moments. The first occurs while hunting the giant alien bird in the local mall. Sean William Scott steps up to the microphone and utters the now infamous phrase “ca-caw, ca-caw. Tooky tooky tooky.” The second, a career defining moment for all involved, is the administering of the head and shoulders anti dandruff shampoo enema to the giant alien creature using a firetruck. Despite the ensuing explosion being reminiscent of the giant marshmallow man exploding sequence in ghostbusters, it is no less memorable. As a result of these two scenes, the film gets a Staypuft marshmallow man rating of 5.

Evolution has firmly established itself as one of my top 5 movies of all time. I have yet to get bored while watching it, even though I can almost recite the script. This gives it a massive 5 out of 5 for rewatchablilty. If I didn’t already own this one, I’d have to buy it.

You’d think that the line “There’s always time for lubricant” would have no competition in the category of “Best Film Quote of all time” but, such is the strength of the script, that it doesn’t even win best quote in Evolution.  That dubious honour goes to “ca-caw, ca-caw. Tooky tooky tooky” and a well deserving winner it is.

Do yourself a favour, if you haven’t already seen Evolution, go and watch it, and if you have, go watch it again.

Given my recent run of really bad choices I decided to return to the classics. Generally, picking just about any movie from the eighties is a guarantee of dodginess. The problem with movies from the eighties is that most of them have aged terribly and this results in the raping of happy childhood memories.

Fortunately, this choice resulted in my childhood memories not only remaining in tact, but being reinforced. The first time I saw Little Shop of Horrors two things were indelibly etched into the dodgy fibres of my being. The first was “Feed me, Seymour!” The second was just how much I wanted the Audrey II, or a plant just like it. It’s unfortunate that the catch phrase found it’s way into my vocabulary to be uttered whenever I insert my card into the ATM. But, it is probably fortunate that I never managed to get hold of a giant talking caniverous plant. If I had some way of getting rid of bodies, I suspect there would be far fewer people around that had the ability to annoy me.

Little Shop of Horrors, in case you didn’t know, is a musical. Normally, this would be a bad thing. However, the musical numbers are horribly catchy and you’ll find youself humming, whistling and in some extreme cases singin aloud after the completion of the movie. This is what makes it a really bad thing. The plot exists merely to get from one musical number to the next. Which is great because without that the dentist song would not exist.

But does it really deserve a 5 on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man rating. Just the fact that the baddie is a giant talking caniverous alien plant would be enough dodginess to guarantee it top honours. Combine that with annoyingly catchy musical numbers, Rick Moranis as the hero (an unlikely event in anyone’s book) and Steve Martin as the sadistic dentist and you’ve got a veritable cornucopia of dodginess, and most of it is the good kind.

Despite all the praise, the film does still have a down side, which is why it only achieved a 3 on the rewatchability index. The female lead, she of the high pitched whine that borders on dog whistle, is one of these. The annoyingly catchy musical numbers also contribute to this. After one viewing they stick in your head for days. I suspect that multiple viewings may imprint them so firmly that they would require hypnotherapy or Spice Girls songs to remove, neither of which is an appealing option.

All told, Little Shop of Horrors is most chucklesome when watching it with polite company and hysterically amusing when watched with other afficianados of the dodgy movie.

And remember – We watch them so you don’t have to.